You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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