I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize