I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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