Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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