Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
