Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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