whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
