I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
