also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
love makes seman taste better
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
