Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
