Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
