Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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