I skipped work to stalk him.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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