just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Someone came in the potted fern
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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