my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
