dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
