fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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