It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
