I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
