even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Drunk is a universal language darling
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
