i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
