I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
