After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
