Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
