she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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