guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
