Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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