He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize