how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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