this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize