You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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