she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
No subtext here. People are naked.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
