I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
