I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
