I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
if i died would you start the facebook group?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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