i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My dick has a subreddit
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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