her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
