I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
