why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i believe in u and ur pee
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
