So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
