Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
