How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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