I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
