Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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