you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
