Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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