How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
