Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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