i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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