Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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