playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
