seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
