Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
