i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
