mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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