State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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