What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
