i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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