I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
