I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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