he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
