i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
