remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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