just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
