Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
