either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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