im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize